The magic of making room for what you want

This is a simple tale. No metaphysical magic implied but the real world kind that comes from when you move things around to make space for the things you desire. 

I give to you the tale of the new fridge that just wouldn't fit.

We have a guest living with us. She is a long time friend and business associate. Her specialty is helping her clients remove friction from their business and home spaces. Having her living with us is a little like having a genie in the house--things just start working better because of the small changes she recommends and implements. 

One evening she asked me about the small iceberg forming under the ice maker in the freezer.

"Oh yes, the freezer doesn't keep a consistent temperature--we want a new one but none of the fridges we've looked at will fit in the space. They are all about an inch too tall unless we get rid of that cabinet above the fridge. We are already short on usable storage."

That area of the kitchen isn't really storage. The cabinet is too high to use so we usually do things like pile bags of pretzels on the of the refrigerator. Its an area of clutter we never quite mastered.

"What if I can fix your storage problem"? 

Cabinet-GONE!

"Ok, but I don't see how you can". 

Thus began a whirl wind of our guest  doing spacial drawings and creating 3-d mock ups with cardboard in the kitchen to show us a variety of ways we could redo storage. She moved items around showcasing her mock ups to show us how to reclaim space and get our counters back. 

After a week of a variety of prototypes, a solution was decided on that would give us four times the space we'd lose from the little cabinet and give us additional clear counter space. 

We took a trip to IKEA and found an occasional table that fit the space but needed some minor changes to be perfect. We installed it the next day and started moving items into their new home. The kitchen felt larger and easier to move it. 

Even if we didn't get the fridge I felt the effort was completely worth while. (also, I was a little afraid of removing the cabinet and possibly screwing up the look of kitchen if I botched it--so if nothing else happened I was good to go).

The next day Keri and I went for dim sum breakfast and decided on a whim to go up to the IKEA and get some small shelves that our guest pointed out that would help which would clear up some counter space. While up there we went to the neighboring Big Orange (not the real name of the store) to order a new blind for the kitchen.

Lo and behold Big Orange had fridges on sale! And there was the one Keri had just told me about for $1500 off list! 

Wow! I was very excited about this synchronicity and called the sales guy over.
Just then Keri noticed some scratches and a small dent. I wasn't too put off because of the price reduction but Keri was significantly less enthused. I told the sales guy we were interested in getting the fridge but then he said 1. delivery wasn't free, 2. they wouldn't take away the old unit and 3. we would have to bring the new unit in ourselves--it was their policy. WTF??? We bought from Big Orange before and they included all of that for free. 

The scratches, the difficulty with delivery (it weighs over 300lbs!!! not likely I'm going to be able to move that even with our guest helping!) It started to feel "hard"--like I was about to force something to happen because the deal seemed so good. Even though I was excited by the savings I realized my inner compass was swinging away from it. Keri said she felt it too so we walked out. 

In the evening Keri wanted to shop for some pretty baskets for our new storage unit and asked if we could "just look" at the fridges at Giant Yellow Tag (also, not the real name of the store). We went out and Giant Yellow Tag  was also having a sale! 

I walked the aisles not seeing an option that was good for our kitchen. Just as I thought we ran out of inventory Keri called me one row over. 

There in front of us was a floor model fridge for $300 less than the one we saw that afternoon at Big Orange. No scratches on the outside and when we opened it they hadn't even taken out the packing materials--essentially a brand new unit. It wasn't the same maker/model but comparable in every way! Plus purchase included full install plus disposal of old unit. 

After paying for the unit, taxes and extended warranty (you want extended warranty that fo sho) the total was the same as the pretax on scratched unit we saw earlier! 

We paid the good man and our new fridge will be here thursday. This afternoon we removed the cabinet and the area is ready for our new toy!

No metaphysical mumbo jumbo here. But I have found time and again that when you intentionally make your circumstances ready for the thing you want, that thing has a way of turning up. I think its more like our minds are then trained to go on an intensive search to make the magic happen. 

What works, works. 

Give it a try. Think of something you really really want. Then do the things you know you need to do to make that thing fit in your life. See what happens. Then send me a message. I want to hear!

pay attention to everything

Last night, a dear old friend came by for one of our occasional dinners. Keri and I made dinner and I set out a bottle of prosecco to enjoy.

Our friend arrived, hugs were exchanged and prosecco poured. DOF produced a bottle of excellent red wine that quite literally wouldn't last another day--prosecco gone we uncorked that one and poured. Eventually food, wine and conversation all dwindled and it was time to call it a night. More hugs and DOF was off to her home for a sound night's sleep.

Sleep came quickly for me but at 3:30AM my body woke me up to give me its opinion on single-handedly killing a bottle of wine. I dutifully wandered into the kitchen for a big glass of water all the while musing how my constitution had failed me. When did I become such a light weight? I drank some more water and brought a glass to my bedside to sip until I fell back to sleep. When the alarm went off at 6AM my body still was very willing to share its opinion about my choices of the night prior. Ugh.

This morning I had to be honest with myself. I wasn't very kind to my good and faithful servant--my body. Just the night before DOF and I lamented how our Russian livers weren't doing their jobs as well. Of course we said that as we refilled our glasses (the wine was VERY good).

Ah the silly things we do.

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Since I took up Feng Shui, I start every day by sweeping our entryway and walking our yards--pulling a weed here and there and noticing what needs water, what needs a trim etc. I do the same to the inside of the house--noticing everything that needs attention or that would be better placed if I moved it around. In this way I have created flow in our home and by extension have greater pleasure and ease in my house than ever before.

Clearly, my body would like that same kind of attention.

While I enjoy the pleasures of the table and glass, my body isn't an infinite resource in dealing with the consequences of those pleasures. Pretending it is because of my mythical heritage based constitution is just setting me up for an crisis down the line. Unlike cleaning up a dark corner of my yard or emptying a stuffed closet, care the the body is better done in advance--before stagnation sets in.

Rituals to care for the body need not be lengthy or involved--just consistent. You start by making one small manageable change at a time. Sometimes the best first step is just noticing how things make you feel and doing something different that feels better.

I know DOF won't mind if I slow down on refilling my glass the next time we visit just as I don't mind that she doesn't care for sour cream or mushrooms. Ultimately we both want to feel good which is why we make the choices we do in the first place. The left over wine will have to wait another day.

A change in the sea

Right now my world seems so still. There is a place I want to get to but the wind isn't blowing.
When the wind isn't blowing you clean the decks, inventory your holds and watch the horizon for signs. You do the sensible things and you try to listen for whatever the gods are telling you to make the wind blow.

Only the gods aren't talking. I tried all the sensible things. It's time to employ the senseless.

Armed with a shovel, heavy gloves and safety glasses I attacked the final unloved corner of my home--the side yard. I discovered two pairs of rotten boots and garden supplies spoiled by the elements. The shade cloth was hanging in tatters and the corner was full of dead leaves and dirt blown in from the yard. There were buckets filled with stagnant water but alive with mosquito larvae. I dumped the water. and pulled every thing out. I picked through everything and made a pile for the dump and a pile to give away. I tested the tools, swept the deck and replaced the shade cloth.  I walked my yard and brought in all tools that were laying about. With each pass through I moved things about until I felt a sense of order and that I could finally stop.

I went into the house utterly exhausted and flopped in my chair. The dump pile looked enormous and it stank from all the neglected decomposing items collected there--its nature's way to decompose but the stink--it surely had a life of its own outside my attention.

As I rested I reflected on a coffee date I had with someone I met at a networking event. It was a casual meeting--just to get to know each other. She seemed very open and it felt easy talking to her. She listened to my stories and asked really good questions before saying anything about herself. She shared about her own life and eventually started talking about her personal reasons for being in her own business. As I listened to her I noted to myself how completely natural she was--she believed in her offerings and was looking for kindred spirits. I liked her--she was a genuine person in every sense of the word.

No matter how positive I felt about my new friend, our meeting left me feeling very unsettled--like I was missing something that she had. Not that I wanted WHAT she had but something in her essence. She knew what she was doing and was completely unconflicted about it. By contrast I felt I didn't know what I was doing and felt at a deep level something was off. What was it?

The sensible way I was going about business wasn't working. One dank, festering area of my personal belief structure was holding sway in how I was creating my new world. A belief so at odds with everything I teach that it couldn't be hidden behind an acceptable, easy to digest façade.

Its the same belief that would have had me thinking I would never find a job on my own, have love in my life or have people laugh at my jokes. A belief that I'm not acceptable just as I am.

Wouldn't it be sensible to play it safe and be more acceptable? Easier to digest? Less weird?

Well, honestly, no. In fact it didn't work at all.

The good news is that its really easy to discard sensible things when they don't work.

The next morning I folded down all the seats in my tiny car, laid down a tarp and shoveled all the rotting, forgotten things that I pulled from the yard. I worried that my car would stink like trash or that I would puncture a tire but I went anyway. My trash filled car didn't stink and I didn't pop a tire--somehow overnight my garbage pile stopped smelling like rot and started smelling like damp earth. Even the dump (which usually smells like a garbage can) had the comforting smell of compost.

Airing out my festering corner brought in light and air and a sense of relief--I'm breathing again. I don't plan to do anything too quickly but when I do take action it will be from a place of truth and probably not very sensible.

100 Days of Kindness: Intentional decluttering made my life clear to me

Note: I'm reposting this entry that I originally published last January because some truly amazing things have happened for me. All the things detailed below I've kept up with and some serious magic has shown up especially in my career and prosperity--call it good luck, synchronicity or simply being more open and connected to opportunity--so many good things started showing up when I started loving up my house, clearing things out and paying attention to how my space feels to me.

Uncluttering is a powerful tool for getting "unstuck" and creating more flow and ease in your life. I hope you find this useful and inspiring.
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I'm between professional gigs right now so I'm spending time working on my coaching business and re-claiming my living space from the chaos that crept in over the last couple of years. Its so easy to get busy/over focused and neglect care of your own space. My big plan was to finally donate my father in law's things that were still in our garage and to re-organize that space so I could work on home projects, have a nice work out space etc. This little project turned into a far more ambitious and meaningful work.

I was chatting on line with my friend and fellow coach Kristen Lee. She just sagely asked "if you don't love it or use it why do you have it?" She made the point that all the stuff we keep "for later" are just things that have to be taken care of at some point. Why not now?

I started going through cabinets ruthlessly and asking the question "who am I trying to be by keeping this?" Things started going in boxes and going to goodwill! In just over two days my garage was much emptier, organized and felt easy to be in again. I started thinking of the projects I could take on now with that space being open. I got my bicycle fixed and have been riding it around for errands. So much energy came on line I wanted to take it to the next level.

Last week on my trip to Savannah I hooked up for a retreat with Kristen and my other coaching friends. Kristen quietly worked her magic on the room keeping a state of order around us--soon the conversation switched to the topic decluttering and creating a good space. One of the coaches, Amanda Gibby Peters, who teaches Feng Shui started sharing how changing aspect of your home can help increase flow, prosperity, love etc. I could certainly relate from my recent experience working on the garage. I wondered if other parts of my home could use some help.

Honestly, I'm a terrible housekeepers--a lot of my flow problems could be solved by just picking up my socks and underwear. I love my home but I feel some serious low energy from the press of chaos around me--sometimes I feel surrounded by objects that seem to have no category or purpose that just sit there ask me to make a decision. A cloud of unclear thinking seems to descend on me when I try to figure out how to deal with some of this. Inspired by Kristen and Amanda's encouragement I decided to run the same exercise on my home office as I did on the garage.

Earlier this year I gave away a full set of jewelry making tools/supplies. I knew there were other unlived lives hanging out in the form of books, tools, supplies and other objects that only serve to clutter my thinking. Starting with my book shelf, I winnowed out every book and object no longer important or part of my life. I filled five grocery bags. I then went to the closet and started opening boxes. I filled more bags with the tchotchkes kept from old jobs, electronics, and other oddities that were using up space. I turned my eye to my cabinet desk and decided it was ok to release the lovely old Underwood typewriter that didn't properly function--it opened up space for my Olivetti that works beautifully and that I use for writing poetry (but wasn't using because I didn't have a space for it).

I started sharing my project with my coach friends--Kristen and Amanda cheered me on as I culled old paper work and other detritus.

I replaced the sloppy milkcrates I used for storing my personal papers with an attractive cabinet. I moved my photos around so I could see them more clearly and found a new home for my small wishing altar. The space started to feel different--productive and dynamic.

My front door post Feng Shui treatment

Amanda and I continued to chat online about my big clean. I mentioned that I was having some pretty slow responses on queries I'd sent out. I asked if there were there other things I could do in my home to help my personal flow. She had this to say: " Make sure your front door is inviting. Think of hosting an elaborate party but never sending out the invites. Doesn't matter how much effort you put into the planning + decor + treats, no one will show up if the invites aren't mailed. Your door is where auspicious opportunity/good chi shows up. So, wipe down the door. Replace the front door mat. Add something fresh in the spring, like a potted plant. Hang a wind chime. Anything that draws the eye to your front door is good shui."

My front door--ugh. 

Our front porch looked terrible. Dust and leaves had collected in the corners and our safety light had ceased to function. Also, the decorative door bell needed to be wired up. It looked pretty dog patch to say the least. Not only that, our driveway was littered with leaves and things that blew in from the street. Not inviting at all and a real energy sapping mess to come home to.

Amanda's advice lit a fire under me. I replaced the safety light that afternoon and pulled out the broom and some rags and thoroughly washed down the porch. I replaced the frayed mat with a new one and placed a potted rosemary by the door. I swept the driveway. I trimmed the plants in the yard of dead branches. I made an appointment with the electrician to fix the door bell. I fixed the pumps in our back porch and indoor water features (the indoor one I moved closer to the front door per Amanda's suggestion). Just as with the garage and my office, the house and yard now not only looked different but felt different.

And because my surroundings felt different, I felt different too--more relaxed but engaged at the same time. The kind of feeling you get after having a good nap and a cup of tea.

As I look around my home I see clear markers of who I am today in the world and not the reminders of the lives half lived that I was holding on to. By the process of elimination I painted a clearer picture to myself of who I want to be. By extension, that same message is shared out to the world as well.

Oddly (and not coincidentally I believe) I started to get some responses back on my queries--including an invitation to interview at a company I'm very interested in! All very exciting developments. 

This morning I walked outside and appreciated my bright new entryway, walked in my garden and enjoyed the feeling of calm radiating coming from it all. My mind started taking note of little things I'd like to move around or chage but mostly I savored the state of perfect undone-ness. 

What if I paid as much attention to my surroundings as I do to the care of my insides and physical body? None of these are quick fix, one time projects but ongoing efforts in care and mindfulness.

I highly recommend taking a look at your own environment to see where you can free up some flow--not by necessarily taking on a manic cleaning project but by carefully selecting what you choose to share of your life through the expression of your living space. In this way less is definitely more.

If you have an epic tale of decluttering or other home/life experiments I want to hear them! Please leave a comment or send me a message.